Photo credit: Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash
It's Thanksgiving week and I am really looking forward to some good quality family fun. We are going to eat, drink, play games, laugh and have a great time. To be honest, that isn't something I usually say around the holidays. I am usually anxious about the food, the drinks, the conversations, and so many other things.
What are we having? What and how much am I going to eat? Is there something for everyone? Is there enough for everyone? Did I eat the appetizer too close to mealtime? Do we have to talk about what diet everyone is on? Do we have to talk about how much weight everyone lost or gained this year? Do we have to talk about how great everyone else looks in their jeans? Do we have to talk about food the entire time we are together (yes, that happens with my family at every gathering!)?
All of these anxieties = eating more = feeling worse. Am I right?
I am so much more aware of how emotions and words make me feel as I'm more aware of my problems with body positivity and emotional eating. I also know that the worse I feel about myself, the more I try to manage what everyone else is doing or having. "Wow hunny, that's a lot of stuffing" may be a phrase I've said a time or two. Insert eye roll emoji.
Photo credit: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Not everyone understands the thoughts and anxieties of someone struggling with eating problems ranging from an eating disorder to emotional eating and that's ok. Not everyone understands the triggers that can really send you spiraling into a dark hole of never-ending negative thoughts and that's ok too.
The holidays are a time to feel good about yourself and to enjoy the season. Let’s focus more on the environment and the experience of enjoying time together rather than worrying about what is going in our mouth. We can all be more aware of how we talk about food and weight with ourselves and around others.
Tips For a Body-Positive Holiday Gathering
1. Avoid talking about weight.
This includes their weight, your weight or anyone else's weight. We are all probably guilty of saying how great someone looks or commenting on how much weight they've lost (or gained...seriously who does that?). It places importance on weight and weight does not define someone. Compliment someone on their beautiful sweater or their amazing appetizer. Ask about their kids, their job, black Friday plans or anything else that might be important to them.
2. Avoid mentioning what is or isn't on their plate.
This is going to be a hard NO, like don’t even think about it! Everyone is in charge of their own plate and what is going in their own mouth. Commenting on food choices can make someone feel like they are doing something wrong or like everyone is watching them. I don't feel like it's harmful to give a shout out to the chefs during the meal, however.
3. Come prepared.
Think ahead about what you might say if someone makes a comment about your food or anything else that is uncomfortable for you. Ever heard MYFB? Maybe you can opt for a more polite response? Or, if this is common at your holiday gatherings, share this with your family ahead of time.
4. Don't discuss how long you will need to spend at the gym after eating the pumpkin pie!
This is not a thought that should even pop in your head. Just eat the pie and enjoy it for goodness sake. It won't go to your ass tomorrow, FYI. This should not be normal talk by anyone anyway. But, it could validate someone with disordered eating behaviors that might normally have those thoughts. Exercise should not be a punishment for eating.
5. Offer an activity to do outside of the kitchen.
Make it easy to step out of the kitchen and not be near all of the food and everyone talking about the food. Have a coloring station. Maybe some board or card games going. Turn on the football game.
The holidays can be a time where it is easy to trigger negative thoughts in someone with current or previous disordered eating or body confidence issues. It is obviously unintentional but the brain doesn't always decipher the difference. When in doubt, discuss politics...just kidding =).
Let's be thankful for our loved ones, our able bodies and the food that nourishes them. I am looking forward to keeping the holidays super positive and enjoyable this year and I hope you do as well.
Happy Thanksgiving friends!
Lin